Disaster Picnic
by ArtemisApollo97
Summary: Hiccup has a day off and decides to spend it with his delightful children. 'Delightful' being a sarcastic term. Parenting is hard.
**One-shot idea for Ismybella, thank you!**

 **I don't own any canon DreamWorks characters, etc. etc. but OCs and such are mine, yay me!**

* * *

"No, I'm taking this lot out for the day and you, my lovely lady, get to stay here and... well, not relax, you're never relaxed. Chop firewood or something, I don't know. Just please don't chop me!" Hiccup danced away hurriedly, Astrid's axe ready to slice him in two. "Oh, please! I've been waiting all week to spend time with them, _pleeeeease_?" His wife's eyes flicked to the heavens and the axe dropped to the floor.

"Fine, but if any one of them comes back with a leg missing, I am holding _you_ personally responsible."

"Yes, Astrid." Hiccup said meekly. She started to turn away. "That's not going to become a family thing anyway." He muttered. She looked back, smiling sweetly with every inclination to kill him. Hiccup folded his arms. "I can watch three kids for a day, easy peasy. You watch, they'll all come back in one piece and you'll have to apologise! Ooh, now _that_ is something to look forward to."

"So, what _are_ you going to do with these three kids?"

"Um... picnic? They eat food, right?"

"Well done, genius."

"Thanks. Oh wait... you're just being mean. I'm getting these three kids and going." He made to stomp off sulkily, bounced back to leave a cheeky kiss on her cheek and vanished up stairs. Ingrid, Alastor and Aloe were all sitting on their beds, looking far too innocent to be anyone of Haddock descent. "What did you do?"

"You're looking after us today, huh, Dad?" Ingrid grinned wickedly, a glance towards her siblings. Aloe seemed genuinely excited, having pleaded with her father all week to leave work and play Vikings and Princesses. She bounced on her bed and then off, charging towards Hiccup and nearly knocking him flat with one of her 'hugs'. Ingrid and Alastor sidled over, Aloe's demands the only thing pulling them into the hug.

"Right, I was thinking a picnic and then maybe a race. Aloe, how would you like to fly Toothless today?" His youngest gasped, hands flying to her face.

" _Really_?" She squealed. "Yes please, please please please!" The Night Fury scrambled through the window, looking sheepish. A Terror was clamped to the saddle, the tail fin smoking. Aloe hurried over, shooing the Terror away and wrapping her thin arms around Toothless's neck.

"OK, who wants to go and see Gobber?" Hiccup grinned.

"He tried to get me in his band yesterday." Alastor said. "But he wanted it all panpipes. I can't play the panpipes and the ones he offered to teach me on looked like they'd sat in a barrel of mead all his life." Hiccup laughed.

"Make your own ones. Come on. You too, bud. Don't give me that look, I told you not to steal from the Terrors." Toothless crooned apologetically.

* * *

Ingrid's Changewing, Snapper, and Alastor's Nadder, Spike, were neck and neck. Toothless had obliged to fly relatively slowly for him, seeing as Aloe had absolutely no idea what she was doing. She could just about reach the tail adjustment, suddenly terrified. She had flown on Toothless before, but Hiccup had been in control the entire time.

"Where are we going?" She asked.

"The cove."

"Um..." Hiccup squeezed her shoulder.

"Just follow those two muttonheads." He gestured at her siblings. Spike was quite happily irritating Snapper. Ingrid swore colourfully, letting Snapper fire a warning splodge of hot acid at the pair. "Hey!" Hiccup scolded. "Your mum'll kill me if I bring your brother back as a pile of sludge!" Ingrid glared at him over her shoulder, a protest on her lips. "Al, stop annoying your sister!" Toothless slowed suddenly, beating his wings to try and stay airborne. Aloe whimpered. "Three." Hiccup told her kindly. "Don't look so worried, you'll get the hang of it. And regular dragons are easier to fly." He whispered in her ear.

"Can you fly the rest of the way?" Aloe pleaded. Hiccup hesitated, but at her desperate look, he relented. Aloe apologised hastily, both to her father and Toothless, nearly in tears.

"Oy." Hiccup said softly. "It's alright. You didn't crash. Those two did. Toothless avoided them for _weeks_ , they were so clumsy." Aloe smiled feebly. Hiccup made sure she was strapped in before tweaking the tail. "What do you say? Should we show these slowpokes how it's done?" She nodded eagerly, gripping the saddle. He urged the Night Fury onwards, the sudden burst of speed creating a vast whistle as a shadow seemingly shot past the elder Haddocks. Spike squawked in alarm and careened, dislodging Alastor. Snapper camouflaged, Ingrid too. "Oops." Hiccup said, glancing back as Alastor plummeted. "SPIKE!" He yelled. "FETCH!" The Nadder hopped in the air and then dived, catching his rider in his claws. "OK." He grinned. "To the cove, bud!"

"Yay!" Aloe cheered. Toothless fell rolled a few times to show off and, per the smaller hatchling's request, sped up. They reached his cove _way_ before the other two, giving him plenty of time to catch some fish and chase the light that always slipped between his claws. Hiccup let Aloe tease the Night Fury, removing his satchel. By the time he had set the food out, his other two children had arrived, rather unhappily.

"You cheated!" Ingrid argued, shaking her hair from her eyes.

"It wasn't a race."

"Everything's a race." Alastor chipped in, rolling his shoulders. "Ooh, food!" Appeased, Alastor started helping himself, throwing a cold chicken leg to his Nadder. Ingrid glowered, folding her arms.

"OK, OK, I cheated. I'm sorry. Maybe next time, Ingrid. I packed pie." He bribed, seeing the temptation flood her eyes. "Apple pie cooked fresh this morning..." He added, holding the dish out to her. Ingrid snatched it and hurried away.

"You're still a cheater, but you're a cheater with pie."

"Al, this food's not going to run away. Slow down." Hiccup sat on the blanket, Aloe skipping over and plopping down next to him. Hiccup gave her some bread slices and honey, pulling a stray leaf from her tangled hair. His son paid him no attention, gorging himself. Toothless coughed up a head of fish into his human's lap, smiling in his typical gummy fashion. "Thanks, bud."

"What else are we doing today?" Aloe asked, licking honey from her fingers.

"What do you want to do?"

"Vikings and Princesses!" Aloe immediately responded.

"How about we get Aloe a dragon?" Ingrid suggested.

"Yes!" Aloe sad instantly. "Dragon!"

"Make your mind up." Hiccup shook his head. "Al? Finish your mouthful _then_ talk." Alastor did, with some difficulty, only to say he didn't mind. "Ah, come on, Al. I've got all day with you three, I'm sure we could do something for each of you. We'll get Aloe a dragon, Ingrid can eat her pie and you can... dragon-watch if you want."

"Oh, not dragon-watching." Ingrid whined. "Sorry, Al, but that's _boring_."

"Is not." Alastor muttered. "And I was going to say dragon-watching anyway."

"Is that so?" Ingrid challenged cheekily.

"Yes."

"What then?"

"Not telling." Hiccup cleared his throat and they shut up. Aloe was all sticky, honey and breadcrumbs covering her hands, face and front. Toothless snuffled her, buzzing and licking her face clean, her hands too when she tried to defend herself. Toothless laughed, humour cut short when she smeared honey on his nose. He snorted, licking his claws and wiping his face.

Lunch finished in silence aside from Aloe's giggles and Toothless's demands to play. Toothless got a bit too excited as he picked Aloe up by the scruff of her shirt and ran off with her. "Toothless!" Hiccup protested, chasing after them. Aloe was flipped into the saddle and she raced around the cove with her new partner-in-crime, her father trying to keep up, breathing hard. The torment only stopped when Toothless hopped up into a tree, from branch to branch and then onto a pile of rocks, peering down at his rider and chortling. "Will you not?" Hiccup huffed. Toothless crooned, eyes worriedly on the rest of the cove. Hiccup turned. "Oh no."

Ingrid, Alastor and their dragons were gone.

Hiccup pushed his hands through his hair, stumbling into a run towards the vacated picnic seats. "Oh no, oh no, oh no, Astrid's going to kill me!"

"Ohohohoho, you're in trouble!" Aloe teased. "No, wait. If Mum kills you, I won't be getting a dragon, will I?"

"Aloe, please-"

"I'll help." Aloe beamed. "For my dragon."

"This is bad, this is really bad. She told me not to lose _one_ of you, how am I going to explain _two_? Oh gods..." Hiccup chewed his thumbnail, leaning this way and that to try and find anything on fire or melted in pools of acid. Aloe sat before him, searching too. "This is just my luck..." He muttered. "Toothless, anything?" His dragon roared again, ears twisting every which way. He faced left, Hiccup steered him left, flying low over the treetops.

"Ingrid! Alastor!" Aloe called. "Snapper! Spike! Hellooooo? Ooh, something moved!" She pointed.

"With how this week's gone, I doubt it's them, but let's go. Down, bud." Toothless dipped and curled through the branches, landing with a cheeky bounce. "See? Gronckles." Hiccup sighed, rubbing wearily at his face. "Astrid was right."

"No, Dad. It's our fault." Aloe said meekly. "We were just trying to play, but we didn't notice they'd run off either."

"It's alright, Aloe. I should have been paying better attention. Keep looking, bud." They sat quietly as Toothless listened and smelled for any trace of the other two hatchlings, pacing about this new clearing. He set off through the woods towards the east, startling a bunch of Terrors, a herd of wild boar. The dragon walked for quite some time, his rider worrying the whole time. Aloe wasn't sure how long, but it felt like almost an hour. Eventually, Hiccup and Aloe dismounted. Toothless stretched his back and mewled. "Sorry, bud." Hiccup patted Toothless apologetically. "We'll go this way, signal if you find anything, OK?" Toothless crooned and nodded. Hiccup took Aloe by the hand and headed off to the right, his dragon to the left.

"Dad, don't worry. We'll find them." Aloe tried. "Maybe they're playing hide and seek!"

"Maybe." Hiccup mumbled.

"Relax." Aloe advised. "Take a deep breath and try not to panic."

* * *

"How long should we do this for?"

"Probably not much longer. You heard Mum earlier." Alastor reminded her. Ingrid hummed, relaxing against Snapper's hide. "She _will_ kill him. Maybe we should go-"

"No."

"Why are you being so mean?"

"I'm not. I'm trust proving my point."

"Which is?"

"I don't need looking after."

"But we're supposed to be spending the day _with_ Dad though, not hiding from him." Alastor stood up, brushing himself down. "I'm going to go back. You can carry on hiding if you want." Ingrid shooed him away. Alastor swung back up in the saddle and Spike took to the skies. He made it ten metres from their hiding place when a plasma blast knocked them out of the sky. Spike managed to right himself seconds before hitting the ground. Alastor hit a few branches and ended up stuck between two, his shirt snagged on a knot in the wood. Toothless bumbled over, roaring loudly. "Fancy finding you here. No, don't give me that look, it was Ingrid's idea. I just wanted pie." Toothless's expression relaxed and he _hmmph_ 'ed as though he agreed. "Can you get me down?"

"No." Alastor started, squirming to peer through the canopy of leaves. Hiccup appeared next to his dragon, Aloe behind him. He didn't look happy.

"I just wanted _pie_ , is that too much to ask?" Alastor wailed childishly. He kicked his legs. "Spike, get me down!" The Nadder fired a series of accurate spin shots that cracked the branches, giving enough leeway for Alastor to wiggle free and drop down. "Dad, I'm sorry. But she never shares her pie and I _really_ wanted some."

"You kids are going to be the death of me. Where is she?"

"That way. But she's probably moved now, Toothless shot me down."

"What?" Toothless bowed his head. Hiccup rubbed at his face wearisomely. "OK, OK. You're grounded. And you're grounded." Toothless huffed in protest, rising to his full height. Hiccup crossed his arms. "No. You're grounded. End of." The dragon growled. Hiccup growled back. Aloe growled too, seeing as she had no idea what to say. Toothless's ears lay flat, a calculating look in his eyes. "Don't you-" Hiccup started. Toothless lunged, clamping his gums on Hiccup's good leg and hauling him to the floor, running off. This really was _not_ Hiccup's day.

* * *

Ingrid got bored waiting for them to find her so she headed home. Astrid, at first, was surprised to see her, then mad. "Your dad is going to be driving himself _crazy_ with worry, you can't just run off like that!"

"Well, it'll give him something else to think about besides work."

"He can't always help it, Ingrid, you know that. Stormfly! Oh no you don't." Astrid grabbed her daughter's arm. "I'm flying. Snapper stays here."

"But-" Astrid frowned. "Yes, Mum."

It didn't take long to find the others. Toothless was crying out in every direction, trying to find Ingrid. He reared up to watch Stormfly descend, beaming and running towards her, eager to play. Astrid dismounted, Ingrid sat sullenly in the saddle.

"Oh, thank Thor." Hiccup felt like the earth itself had been moved from his shoulders. "Astrid, I'm so sorry, you were right. These kids are mad. I literally took my eyes off of them for a minute and they were gone."

"You can't look away for a _second_ , gods, Hiccup." Astrid sighed. "But I'm not going to blame you this time. Ingrid has something to say."

"Sorry." Ingrid muttered. Astrid cleared her throat. Ingrid glared. Astrid did too. There was no winning against her mother, Ingrid realised, so she dropped down and shuffled to her father. "Sorry, Dad. I know you just wanted a day with us and I messed it up."

"And?" Astrid prompted.

"And you should work less. I mean, you... work too much and, well, you're not really home a lot of the time, so... I don't know, maybe I just wanted to make sure you still, you know, _cared_."

"If you weren't apologising for the first time _ever_ , I would strangle you right now." Hiccup massaged his temples with his fingertips, sighing irritably. Toothless gave her a reprimanding nip on the arm. "I'm sorry I've been so caught up in work, but that's what happens when you're the chief. But if you promise never to pull another stunt like this again, I'll promise to try and get more time off. Deal?"

"Deal." Ingrid smiled weakly.

"OK, good. You're grounded."

" _What_?" Ingrid started to argue, falling silent as her brother shook his head.

"Don't even try. We've had this conversation about eight times, we're all grounded. Even Toothless."

"Double _what_?" Astrid marveled.

"I'm stressed." Hiccup complained, moving towards his wife in need of a hug. Astrid rolled her eyes, but relented. "Children are mean. Dragons are mean. I think I need a lie down." Astrid just hummed, eyeing the kids warily over his shoulder. "Am I OK to ground them?" He asked in a whisper, just for her to hear.

"You're the parent too, Hiccup, you ground them whenever you like."

"For how long?"

"Also your decision."

"Oh, brilliant." He shuffled sideways, turning them both around. Astrid shook her head, burying her face against his neck. "You, you, you and you are all grounded until the end of the month."

"But what did I do?" Aloe pouted.

"You distracted me. You know I've got a really short attention spa- ooh, what's that?"

"Hiccup, you dork. Stop it." Astrid held him at arm's length. "You go ahead. I'll sort these three out. Don't ground Toothless though. You'll miss flying."

"True. Come on, bud." Toothless was grateful to escape his rider's mate's wrath. Stormfly decided to nest down in between some trees, head under her wing. Ingrid, Alastor and Aloe all gave their best, most innocent smiles, sheepish.

"Nope. No way out of it."

"Is that a definite?" Alastor asked.

"What do you think?"

"I think we're going to die."


End file.
